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Post by HokieThea on May 1, 2013 11:33:39 GMT -5
I have some questions about curfews. Shelby is 15 (almost 16), is a good kid who has not gotten into any trouble, is an honor student, and I think has a pretty good head on her shoulders. She has some really great friends who are almost all honor students. I know most of them personally, most are on her track and cross country teams. Several can drive, and they have started hanging out more on the weekends. I was talking with a couple of friends at the barn yesterday, and I mentioned that Shelby's curfew is usually between 11:30 and 1 AM, depending on what they are doing. That was my curfew when I was a teenager. One says, wow, that's kinda late for a 15 y.o., and the other says she's never allow her kids to stay out that late (note that this mother's daughter is 17 and on birth control because she has been caught several times fooling around with her boyfriend). On the flip side, Shelby has a friend who has parties where kids, boys AND girls, can spend the night if the wish. (My answer to that one is oh H$LL NO!) I guess my question is, what were your kids' curfews? Am I too lenient, spot on, too tough?
BTW, one of the perks of IPhones is that I can pinpoint where Shelby is at any given moment! We have made this little fact known to her...
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Post by Lisa on May 1, 2013 11:58:30 GMT -5
When I was 15 I had a 11pm curfew on weekend, later if I was with the band, and had to be home right after school, or band during the week. Of course we didn't have all the technology we do now, but I think that is about right, especially if you trust her that is all that matters!!!
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Post by brooks on May 1, 2013 12:22:34 GMT -5
Not too tough. I have no kids but would want mine home early, with exception of going to movies.
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Post by niaru on May 1, 2013 16:58:09 GMT -5
I'm not as strict as you, and my (almost 17) daughter has a close-knit circle of friends and goes on many sleep overs on the week-ends, and yes some of those include boys too!
No curfew per se.
I basically just want her to tell me where she is at all times, what she plans on doing, and I have to trust her to tell me the truth and be "reasonable"! It's unnerving sometimes, and I did say no to some bad (IMO) plans. She is a good student ( top 2% of the PSAT scores - she's getting letters from Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth et al trying to woo her!) I know most of her friends, she drives my old minivan and works at a local Dairy Queen 3 to 4 afternoons/nevenings a week, and I have to admit, I pretty much have her on a loose rein.
She knows that if she doesn't act responsibly she will lose her access to the van, and that is "motivation" enough for her, I think. So far so good (crossing fingers!)
It's a fine line to maintain. I want her to know that we trust her, but I don't want anything to happen to her...and I do wonder if we should be stricter, but now that she's almost 17 it might be too late to backtrack!
I was definitely stricter with her older sister.
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Post by Pam on May 1, 2013 20:41:56 GMT -5
I don't think you are being too lenient. The main thing is that you trust her and until she does something to break that trust, she deserves for you to respect her decisions. I would definitely let her know that you DO trust her, but if she DOES break it, the rules will change, at least temporarily.
My kids never had a specific curfew, we would discuss where they were going at night and decided, depending on what they were doing, what time we expected them to be home. We also let them know in no uncertain terms that if they were going to be late, they had to call and if they didn't, the next weekend they stayed home, no matter what was happening.
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Post by Bara on May 2, 2013 2:44:00 GMT -5
Oh Lord, I will never forget the time I broke curfew. It was New Years' Eve and we all went out to watch the dawn come up.
The FEAR as we drove home. And there she was, sitting at the window, in her housecoat.
I had to get out of the boyfriend's car and walk up the steps ..
I would give one million pounds to have that telling off again.
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Post by adcooper on May 2, 2013 12:42:43 GMT -5
I didn't have a set curfew for my daughters because it depended on where they were going and with whom. Some of their friends were dreadful. But I work with teens all the time, and you would be surprised at what some "good kids" get up to.
I think it only matters that you do what feels right for you, don't quit parenting attentively, and don't strangle them.
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Post by ZenRider on May 3, 2013 22:52:48 GMT -5
I dunno, I'd say no dating until she's 30.  |
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Post by Pam on May 4, 2013 7:02:55 GMT -5
;D @zr.
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Post by Bara on May 4, 2013 8:50:57 GMT -5
Heh heh! ;D
Yep, 30. Good Luck. Children are children are teens.
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Post by Smay on May 7, 2013 12:35:18 GMT -5
Well Caroline just turned 18 April 9 and announced that she no longer has a curfew, by law. I asked her where the heck she read THAT one!!!! Caroline has so-so grades (B+/A-), a car of her own, a very lackadaisical attitude, and a history of almost antisocial behavior where she would rather sleep than do just about anything else. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She just went to prom last weekend with a "friend" who she delivered back to his home ( she drove!) at about midnight, then went out with her girlfriends to a bonfire and sleepover in tents. So basically, I haven't really given her a fixed curfew lately. The one rule I have is that she needs to respond to my texts within minutes, and she routinely will break that rule. I kind of keep one eye on the clock when it's getting late, and she usually arrives home around the time I'm thinking to text her.... So aren't I helpful? My boys were TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORIES! And still are...
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