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Post by Bara on Jun 27, 2009 3:42:42 GMT -5
Blame Sammie ...
The new Block'Buster' is due to open on Broadway and in The West End later this year. The producers are inviting all animals to audition for leading roles. No nudity, fur coats will be worn.
The curtain rises to a bleak landscape, seemingly devoid of life. As the sun rises, the stage is bathed in an eerie, pre-dawn light and we see that, in fact, there is a lone figure, weary head on weary paws.
He struggles to his feet and limps downstage left. Head hanging, he addresses the audience of Ex-Racers.
BOO : CURSE this poorly paw!
AUDIENCE : Awwwwwww
Upstage right, a pool of light picks up a tall, arrogant and beautiful blonde who bounds on-stage chasing a tennis ball.
Our hero sighs and settles his chin back onto his paws. The blonde pauses, sighs heavily and proceeds downstage. She lies down next to him, carefully keeping her paw on her tennis ball.
LEXIE : NOW what? If it's your flipping foot, I've flipping TOLD you. You need 'Dakota's Donuts'.
AUDIENCE : OOOOOOOhhhh!
BOO : We haven't seen Dakota since we all busted out of Bootcamp last Febru ...
LEXIE : Yes we have. She was on the island. If you hadn't been so obssessed with that silly dolphin ..
BOO : NOT silly ..
LEXIE : SILLY!
AUDIENCE : GET ON WITH IT!
For a heartbeat, both dogs are silent. (NOTE : Musical Director required.)
BOO : Well, anyhoo ... it's that or steroids ..
LEXIE : (Leaps to her feet) I will NEVER be hungry AGAIN!
BOO : I think you'll find that's the wrong play. Scarlett O'Hara you are NOT.
LEXIE (looking mildly confused) : It is a far, far better thing ...
AUDIENCE : WRONG PLAY!!!
LEXIE (hopefully ...) A horse? A horse? My kingdom for a horse?
AUDIENCE : YAYYYYYY!
The curtain falls on Act 1 Scene 1 with the entire audience on its feet shouting 'A horse! A horse!'
Now - where's the bar and did anyone order interval drinks?
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Post by Bara on Jun 27, 2009 6:25:33 GMT -5
LEXIE : Here's the plan - we have comandeered a fleet of Dakotas ..
BOO : EXCUSE ME! Dakotas? The little fixed wing airplane? The ones mother was sick on every time she flew to school?"
LEXIE : No, No - Dakota is organising them....
BOO : Across the Atlantic. I see... Known, I believe, as the mosquito .. ?
The two stare at each other mid/centre stage. Then Top Left a spotlight grows. There is Eagle.
EAGLE : No, Boo. This fleet has been upgraded. Our Dakota is an engineering genius.
AUDIENCE : Uprorious applause for the appearance of ..
A HORSE!
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Post by adcooper on Jun 27, 2009 20:49:04 GMT -5
CYPRESS: I will play myself, of course. Please don't script me until midway through Act III, though. I'm currently on vacation.
Stage hand! I need more sunscreen and a another bucket of Sangria, please! Extra fruit.
And would someone kindly pull my mane? And these hooves could use a shine. I haven't got all day, you know. Step on it! No...not IN it, ON it. Good lord.
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Post by Bara on Jun 28, 2009 3:53:15 GMT -5
Backstage, producers, crew and promotions are in a frenzy of excitement.
There is rumour that the legendary 'Babe' is prepared to play a cameo role in their modest production. The authors are tearing their hair out to put together a script that La Babe may approve.
ASMs are stalking second-hand trailer lots to find a Winnebago which she may accept, if not altogether approve.
Let's listen in on their conversations ...
PRODUCER to ADVERTISING DIRECTOR : "I'd LOSE the descriptor 'of uncertain age ...' change it to 'Legend'..."
DIRECTOR to SCRIPT-WRITER : "I think the asp storyline has been done... ?"
MAKE-UP to LIGHTING : "I can't do EVERYTHING! She wants glittery hoof-oil? She gets glittery hoof-oil. YOU reduce the flare!"
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Post by adcooper on Jun 28, 2009 8:35:23 GMT -5
THE BABE'S AGENT: Don't forget, no shots from the knees down. The hoof polish is just for her amusement. We don't ever photograph her feet or knees, capiche?
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Post by Goalie on Jun 28, 2009 8:38:55 GMT -5
"Hehehehe" Dakota laughs quietly to herself," My plan is working. Goalie you must make yourself known right now on stage and let the rest in on the "TAKEOVER' of the direction this play must go."
Goalie shakes his head and mutters to himself. He walks over to Cypress and sees that she is not sharing her sangria with anyone. "What is it with these Divas anyway. She should be thrilled to be in my presence, but she isn't."
he exits stage left.
The spotlight pans over to the right side of the stage and there are Forry, Edgie, Billy and Martha playing poker. The chips are flying ,the cards are being dealt, when there is a loud noise coming from behind the curtain in the rear of the stage.
SUDDENLY..........there is Boo and Lexie tossing a tennis ball back and forth to each other. In mid air Boo leaps and falls flat on his face. Dakota runs over to him and sternly says.............
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Post by Bara on Jun 28, 2009 14:34:48 GMT -5
ACT 1 Scene 2:
"reMEMBER your lines!" Says Dakota...
Boo coughs. Deals from underneath the deck. Lexie elbows him.
"Paying tres," says Boo, palming three Aces ... and a couple of tennis balls... the horses are unimpressed.
The stage cuts to black.
"Once upon a time," says a voice, "There was Horse."
The light dawns upstage left. There is Goalie.
Forry, Edgie, Billy and Martha get up from their poker game and gather at Goalie's hooves.
"And then," continues Goalie, "there was dog."
The others rise and join the horses.
"Then," says Goalie, "There was cat." The Canadian contingent join the throng...
"And then," continues Goalie, "There was MUSIC!"
The entire company breaks into 'THRILLER'
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Post by Bara on Jun 28, 2009 15:29:08 GMT -5
"OK! CUT!"
"Abysmal," says the director. The orchestra tails off. "Rehearsal 2.30 tomorrow. Hoof and paw perfect, please! Now - notes. Everydoggy and horsie with scripts in the auditorium. Cats, too," she says as a couple of the company attempt to slink off ..
Eagle raises a hoof "Is it true that The Babe ..."
"Yes, yes," says the director. "Lighting?" Lighting raises a paw. "You have to keep her in shadow from the knees down ..."
Lighting makes a note and nods.
Make-up raises a hand. "Yes?" Snaps the director. "The glittery hoof-oil..?" ventures make-up? "YES!?" snaps the director? "Oh, nothing," says make-up.
Casting raises a paw. "I thought," she mentions "I thought we had a cat's chorus from Canada?"
Costume butts in "I'm running out of fur," he says. The cast recoils....
At last, the director lets cast and crew go home. "I felt she was a bit tetchy?" remarked Eagle to Boo as they repaired to the theatre bar.
Boo nodded and got the drinks in ..
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Post by Big Tee© on Jun 28, 2009 20:56:49 GMT -5
All of a sudden, there is a HUGE disruption. The doors fly open, and silhouetted in the door way is a cat, mid-sized and very hairy. The cat swaggers in, the doors crash shut and the cat shouts to the room in general and the director in particular "Hey, youse guys!!! Whatcha tink youse is doin' widout lettin' Da King Kat know 'bout is!!!! Youse gotta lets Da Lip know about dese tings. Why ain't youse got no kats in dis ting?" Louie turns his head and looks at his moll and says "Missy Magpie, youse get dem odder kats inna room". At Louie's bidding, the unnoticed little black and white cat says "Yep. boss, can do dat" and she turns, slams open the door and yells at the top of her voice "Hey!!! All youse odder kats, get yerelfs inna room wid Louie." And they enter. Cats of all sizes and colours - sizes from over grown tractor loving cats to tiny month old kittens and colours from blue point and white to black and white. In they come, all muttering about cats getting last billing, and nobody calling them............
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Post by Bara on Jun 29, 2009 2:31:16 GMT -5
Da Lip is sprawled across three seats in the front row. The Director, Eagle and Boo are hovering anxiously in the row behind him. The dimmed house lights are winking off his gold claw. The rest of the company is huddled in the back rows, nervously biting their hooves or claws. Lighting and Music are both, quite frankly, quaking. The orchestra is tuning up, sounding like a cat's ... ooops! ACT 1 Scene 3 (is it?) The curtain rises to the haunting strains of Lloyd-Webber's 'Midnight'. There's a puff of annoyance from Da Lip. The orchestra falters, but bravely carries on ... The stage is a magical fairyland (her again??) of **  !!! White Stuff. The spotlight picks up a battered old pail, abandoned centre stage. A little face and a pair of paws appear over the rim of the bucket and a quavery little voice sings .. KITTEN : ".. ANOTHER day is dawning. Soon it will be MO-R-NING!" AUDIENCE : Awwwwwwww! One by one, the kittens climb out of the pail. Behind them, the Katz are formed into a professional Cat's Chorus line. Magpie sashays over to down left. (Business with mouse-holder, claws, etc.) (NOTE : Lighting, please use follow spot. ORCHESTRA : Score 4, please? Stage-hands, please remove kittens out of harm's way.) MAGPIE : "The minute he WALKS in the door!" AUDIENCE : BOOM! BOOM! Da King Kat saunters on-stage .. AUDIENCE : (Raggedly) "You can tell he is a real big mouser - REAL BIG MOUSER! |
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Post by Goalie on Jun 30, 2009 10:27:00 GMT -5
Suddenly Goal and The Bae break into a duet of the song "Memories" from (what else but) CATS.
Everyone just stares as they are so in tune and sound so lovely together. However Goal made the biggest mistake i trying to take over the spotlight from The Babe, that he accidentally stepped on her glittery hooves. The look she gave him made him forget the words to the song and he slunk off the stage. Forry leapt at the chance to sing with her. They did sound good together.
A lot of commotion was coming from under the stage and when the director yelled cut, Dakota went to look at what was happening. Da Lip was plotting another takeover and now had the help of the Michigan gang of cats. Missy, Scout, Ninja and Joy were taking notes as DaLip was saying............................
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Post by Bara on Jun 30, 2009 14:12:01 GMT -5
Underneath the stage, there's an unsanctioned meeting going on.
The Michigan cats are there. Lurking in the shadows, there's Forry, Billy and Peanut.. (HEY! Mules are people, too!)
The Director of Music is doing his pieces. They are sitting right on his trapdoor where Forry will rise from the stage to declaim his latest piece of poetry....
There's trouble a-hoof, or a-paw..
"Where's Diane?" asks Forry. Everyone shakes their head.
"Where's Dawn?" asks Peanut.
"Where's Big Tee?" ask the Michigan cats.
Everyone shakes their head.
"Disaster," opines Billy. Everyone ..
"WILL YOU KINDLY remove your various hindquarters from MY TRAPDOOR!" suggests the Musical Director.
Everyone shakes their butt ..
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Post by Goalie on Jul 2, 2009 8:04:17 GMT -5
The trapdoor springs open and all of the cats jump up and pour out onto the stage. Poor Forry is so overrun with cats that he shakes his head in total dismay and Says (very dramatically) "How on earth am I suppose to create poetry with all this hellions running around.
Magically a blue bird appears and the cats all stop n their tracks. transfixed not only on the color of this bird but it's size. It has to be the largest bird they have ever seen.
"I am here to help the show go on" the bird says. "You must all pay attention to what direction the director is going and behave" He disappears into the curtains.
Suddenly, there is a loud stampede of hooves. The horses all come on stage to surround Forry as he gets ready to recite his newest poem.............
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Post by Bara on Jul 2, 2009 18:00:27 GMT -5
Dakota, The Director, takes control. (Which, to be fair, is her job, after all ..)
As Forry, rising up through the trapdoor and covered in cats, opens his mouth to declaim, she shouts : "CUT!"
Forry, who was just about to try out his 'Hiho Silver' pose looks a bit put out. Everyone else looks relieved.
"NOTES!" Barks Dakota. Even Da Lip is seen to be in the auditorium, scribbling on his script and the kittens are playing with their pail in the fake snow.
"It will be alright on the night ..." ventures Peanut.
"Tonight IS the night" snaps Dakota.
"CURSE this poorly ..."
"SHUT UP, BOO!"
ACT II : Scene 1
"OK," says Dakota, visibly calming herself down. "We're a smidge behind schedule. The Babe is arriving in an hour, expecting a script for Act III. Author?"
The authors shake their heads.
The bluebird re-appears. "I thought, perhaps a rainbow?" Dakota glares at him and several gundogs assume the 'pointing' position. "Just a thought," he says and flies up into the gods.
"I know!" shouts the littlest author. They all turn to look at him .......
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Post by Goalie on Jul 3, 2009 9:46:54 GMT -5
Hmmm I'll have to think on this one Bara.  |
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